Personal Rant- Today

This is a post about my personal life. Nothing about creative writing, short stories, or anything along those lines. Hope things went well for you, dear reader. Sometimes one good day can make all the difference.

For over a year now I’ve been on medication for Bi-Polar. It’s not something I’m ashamed of, but it’s not exactly something that I tell everyone I meet. Most of my life I thought I had depression, but after talking with my GP he thought it was closer to Bi-Polar and started treating it. He put in a request to talk to people who actually specialize in mental stuff and last week i finally got in. They’re a bit busy >.<

After talking to this doc she thinks I don’t have Bi-Polar. From what I said and the things she has experienced, she thinks I’m closer to anxiety, depression, and OCD. The first two didn’t really shock me much, but the OCD thing wasn’t something I expected at all. The more we spoke what she said made sense. Today is the first day I’ve taken my new medication. Yesterday was my daughters birthday and I didn’t want to be… off.

I’m glad I waited. The doc said that it would take a while for things to kick in, but I am so tired. It’s funny because the anti-anxiety and OCD medication has a tendency to make people with bi-polar to go into a manic episode.

I’ve got a little conflict going on in my head now. Not due to the medication, just a couple of thoughts that are tussling in my gray matter. I’m worried that my creative processes will halt once the medication starts really working. What if my ‘obsessive thoughts’ drive my stories? I love writing, if I had to choose between being sane and writing, I honestly don’t know what how that’d play out. Sounds bad, right? It’s just, I love writing and I’ve finally gotten to a point in my life where I’m confident about it.

The other thought is that on this medication I might be able to get things done a lot faster. What if I’m able to knock out a story a lot faster without obsessive thoughts bogging down the process? That would be awesome. Get two or three books a year done and send them down the line. Even if I put them out on Kindle Direct it would still be something.

Three weeks until my next appointment. I guess I’ll see how that goes.

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