Personal Update- Feel Free to Skip

I like to think that I’m very open about health. Specifically, mental health. Growing up it was always just kind of known that the men in my family had depression. No one really questioned it, but we all knew. Mental health wasn’t a pressing issue, you kept your head down and went on. That’s how it was.

When I got older I decided to take things into a more serious light. I sought out help. My GP directed me to more qualified people and treatment began. While I’ve always thought that I’ve had depression it turns out I was wrong. Anxiety and OCD. I found this odd as I never even considered OCD as a possibility. It turns out that it isn’t just arranging things just so, or cleaning your hands constantly, there are a lot of other symptoms to it.

I’m being treated now. It helps a lot. I can look back on how I was and see the progress I’ve made. If anyone were to ask me I would tell them that getting assistance for mental issues is a big step. It’s not one that most people like to talk about and it’s a lot of internal struggle to make the effort. Seeking help is completely worth it. The process takes time and honesty, but there is progress.

One of the most important things I have ever learned is that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. Letting your troubles pile up because you’re too afraid for others to see what’s going on is. It’s the equivalent of lowering your drawbridge to allow entry, not putting up a white flag.

Great, you say (you being the hypothetical reader who I said could easily skip this post), mental health is a good topic. Why is this something you’re talking about now?

Well, there’s been some extra stress as of late and I’m seeing the cracks in my new foundation. A couple of weeks ago I had a panic attack, it wasn’t the first I’ve ever had, but it was the first one since I’ve been getting help. It set me back a couple of days because I was mad at myself. After that some other things happened, I don’t want to get into the details, but it was stress. A lot of freaking stress.

I’m seeing old habits crop back up. While they aren’t as bad as they were, I still don’t like that it’s happening. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to indulge these old routines to ease the pressure. I’ve been doing the little ones, the ones I don’t see any harm in, but I don’t want it to snowball. Before I was getting help it was hard to leave the house.

There is an appointment coming up. I’m going to mention all these things to the person helping me. I know that it will get smoothed out. I’m just still adjusting to this new arrangement. My new foundation isn’t yet set and I’m seeing cracks. It’s nerve-wracking.

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